5 Feedback/Difficult Conversations

5.1 How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation?

Introduction

A difficult conversation refers to the conversations that are planned discussion about any uncomfortable topics or negative experience, where the goal is still to share different perspectives, to build mutual understanding, and to develop respect instead of persuading among members. In this section, we will at first discuss some concepts related to the difficult conversations and then visit the most important model to solve this issue.

Difficult conversation

4 D’s in difficult conversations:

  1. Denial: other people reject the information that you provided
  2. Deflection: other people change the subject
  3. Disruption: other people shout, swear, sob, and storm out
  4. Dumping on the boss: other people try to steer the conversation into criticism of you

Types of difficult conversations

  1. The “what happened” conversation This kind of conversation usually is about disagreements in what happened or what should happen.
  2. The “feelings” conversation Almost every difficult conversation content the topic of feeling. This kind of conversation relates to any invalid thoughts and unnegotiable perceptions.
  3. The “identity” conversation This kind of conversation usually relates to the impact and key objective of each talk.
  4. Examples in real-world: Dealing with poor performance/unpowerful decisions (power imbalance)/problems with peer coworkers such as relationship difficulties

Potential resources: books to read

  1. Best seller: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone on November 2, 2010
  2. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition by Joseph Grenny on October 21, 2021

5.2 7 Step Model

  1. Identify the problem and acknowledge different points of view
  2. Be certain this is a problem that is worth addressing
  3. Invite the other person to talk with you
  4. Start the conversation by “seeking first to understand”
  5. Share your own point of view, your intentions and your feelings. Use “I” statements. Take responsibility for your part.
  6. Talk about the future and what can happen differently, so you don’t end up in the same place
  7. Thank the other person for talking with you

5.3 3 R’s Model for Receiving Feedback

Introduction

According to the definition, receiving feedback refers to hearing and accepting that the other person has a particular opinion, which gives the recipient the opportunity to listen, absorb, and act on important messages. It is more important in the project management environment. For example, it helps to improve either the individual performance or the performance of the entire project.

Receiving Feedbacks

Difficulties in receiving feedback

  1. Brain system: our brain is biologically hard-wired to run away from negative feedback. People always subconsciously protect themselves when something is threatening.
  2. Overconfidence bias: People’s subjective confidence in own abilities is far greater than actual objective abilities which leads to experience dissonance.

The 3R Model

  1. Receive: Receive is at the first stage in this receiving feedback model. At first, recipients should notice others’ names and objectives with managed emotions. During the conversation, it is better to be engaged for better understanding. For example, asking questions to seek out more information or examples is a good strategy to show your curiousness. At the end of conversation, please remember to say thanks.

  2. Reflect: After conversations, it is important to have the thoughts ready to share. During the thinking process, the first step is to evaluate the talking points and looking for what might be right. Then, it is good to check in with others and share opinions to validate. One important reminder is that please don’t let yourself formulate the responses while the others are talking.

  3. Respond: After receiving ideas, it is beneficial to develop and execute a self-change plan which may includes the specific steps to improve current situations. Lastly, please remember to check back with the feedback giver to evaluate are there any missing points or any potential improvements.